Friday, 9 August 2013

How much stuff??

Hi all,

I thought I would write a post this time, about some of the stuff that babies need. I’m sure you have heard rumours, and I can tell you they are all true - babies need more stuff than adults. I have yet to fully experience the whole range of baby actions, but I know to start with they pretty much poo, cry, sleep and look cute. How much stuff do you need for that? A lot as it turns out. So I thought I would do a list of some stuff we have for Albert (or Albump as I have started calling him while he is still womb-based).

I will say that Lucy and I have been really lucky that we have such a supporting group of family and friends, and Albump is already much loved and spoiled! A year ago Lucy’s cousin Michelle and her husband Paris gave birth to a lovely little chap, who is also called Paris, and they have been so generous with hand-me-downs of clothes and baby equipment. We really appreciate everything they have given us, and everything our family and friends have as well. (PS, look out in the next few years for posts about The Adventures of Paris and Albert, I have already sold the TV rights)

So, I would start with clothes and a nursery, but I will do a separate post on these next time as I have to lot to say on them!

So what other stuff does a baby need? (apart from obvious things like Love, and NERF guns)

I think to begin with a baby needs Nappies. A lot of them. My quick google-10-second-research shows in the first 2 years of a baby’s life, they use between 3000-5000 nappies, which has just shocked me. That’s a lot of poo! So nappies are important. We have some ready. I say some, it’s like The Leaning Tower of Pisa, but made out of nappies.  Going from what I read about all the poo, this should last us 24 hours at least. To go with nappies you have Wipes. Enough wipes to sanitize 15 sq miles.

The Leaning Tower of Nappies:

Next up we have a Changing Mat. You’ve got to change a nappy somewhere, and you can’t hold the baby over the sink while you do it. So you need a changing mat. Luckily, we have some red soft plastic ones (2, one for each floor of the house) for this. We will keep them because they are soft, and so can be used in the future (after several anti-septic wipe downs) for excellent fort building (along with the Anaconda Pillow, see blog post HERE) Lucy has also made one that we can roll up to take out with us to change Albump on the go (or in Costa coffee on the table when the changing room is locked). She has cut out some oilcloth and some fabric that we used for the nursery, and expertly stitched them together, check it out!

Excellent home-made changing mat, made by Lucy:

So once they have pooed and been changed, they need somewhere to sleep. If it’s not in a cot in the nursery, then there is a Moses Basket. A quick google shows me they are normally called Bassinets, a word I have never heard of and which sounds like an instrument in the wind section of an orchestra (not to be confused with a Bascinet, which Wikipedia tells me is a medieval helmet – which is  definitely not something babies need). So a Moses basket is bit like a smaller portable cot, so the baby can sleep safely outside the nursery cot. It also has a folding wooden stand, which is sturdier than it looks. This also doubles up as a clothes airer for your wet washing to dry on, which is handy. A lot of baby things have alternative uses.

Clothes airer:

While they are sleeping, you can use a Baby Monitor to keep an eye on them. We were lucky enough to have one brought for us for our baby shower. It’s a Motorola MBP36 Digital Video Baby Monitor. Let me be clear, this is the best piece of baby equipment so far. It’s like equipment out of a spy movie! I feel like James Bond using this. It has a camera we have hung from the wall in the nursery, and a second unit which has a screen you can see through the camera on. You use the screen (which is a bit like a big iPhone), and can REMOTELY CONTROL THE CAMERA. It can see in the dark! It has a microphone on it so you can hear the baby snoring (or crying if you’re unlucky) through the screen, but the camera has a speaker on it as well so you can talk to the baby if he wakes up. So this is a remote control spy camera with 2 way walkie-talkie and night vision. It will be used in future fort making I can assure you.

Spy Camera:

While the baby is sleeping, you can check the temperature of the room by using a Gro-Egg. Not as tasty as a real egg, but handier as you can tell the temperature on it, and sturdier because it’s made of plastic, and not eggshell. It also lights up! It’s been so hot recently though so I think ours has melted inside and is broken as it always shines red. Cool as a nightlight though. I just double checked the name on this, and it is indeed called a Gro-Egg, and not a Glo-Egg. Which surprised me as the egg doesn’t Grow, but it does Glow. I think they misnamed it?

The Gro-Egg / Glo-Egg:

Then the baby wakes up, you see him on the spy monitor, go to the moses basket, and he needs entertaining! So we have some Books for him. We have lots of baby books already, but he won’t be able to read for a few years (unless he is like Stewie from Family Guy), and can’t even hold a book to begin with. So I am planning to read to him, but to be honest I will probably just read my own kindle to him to begin with as I am sure he won’t understand much! I’ll do voices and actions though, make it entertaining for him.
Once he has done reading (or listening), he can play with Toys. Again, we have a whole lot of toys for him to play with. And by play, I mean try to eat. If he didn’t have a toy he would try to eat his own hand. Or some car keys. So soft toys are best. We think Lamaze make some excellent toys, so we are going to get some more of these. They do a pirate octopus, dragon, knight on horseback, so all my kind of toys! My favourite soft toy at the moment is The Gruffalo (based on the book), but he is a lot bigger than a newborn baby so may not be suitable at first! (I think seeing Albert with a big soft toy will remind me of Where The Wild Things Are) But don’t you know, there’s no such thing as a Gruffalo, so just ignore that bit.

The Gruffalo and his Harem:

Once he is finished playing he will probably want a sit down (preparing already for teenage life), so we have something called a Bumpo. One of Lucy’s friends kindly gave this to us. Basically it’s a moulded seat for babies to sit in that they can’t get out of, it helps their posture or something. It’s definitely for babies, and not for cats like below.

Cat (Pickle) in the Bumpo:

After a long sit, what is better than having a bath? Yes babies have their own Baby Bath, they have their own versions of everything! It’s a smaller plastic bath, that fits in the main bath. All these things double up though, you can use it as a washing basket to carry all the tons of baby clothes around. You can even use it as a shell when dressing up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! Bath time talk has just reminded me that we also need a Rubber Duck, hopefully my wife will read this and remember to remind me to buy one next time we are shopping.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Baby Bath Shell:

By this point, you may be wanting to go outside, and the best way to do this is with the Pushchair Combo!. You can't leave the baby at home in the Bumpo with the cat so he will have to come as well. We have a brilliant pushchair combo thing made by Cosetto, or Cornetto, or Courgetto or Confetti or something like that. It has a foldable chassis, which we have managed to collapse and put up several times, without a degree in engineering, and without losing a finger, so a big well done to the designers for that. Then there is a pushchair bit that clips into the top, or a type of Moses Basket thing that clips in as well, so you can choose what you want on there. It's pretty sweet.

Pushchair combo:
If you want to go out driving, then you will need to be in the driving seat as the baby can't reach the pedals, this means the baby can go in the passenger seat. But no! As babies have their own version of everything, they have a Car Seat as well, and they sit in the back making you feel like a taxi driver. This is good bit of stuff, as you strap them in to it, can carry them in and out of the house and straight into the car, and it also clips into the pushchair chassis! Someone with foresight advised us to test strapping it into the car before the baby comes along, and I'm glad they did. I went out last week with a few minutes to spare to try it. As I went outside my neighbour was just getting home from work, we had a chat-chit and he said they are a lot easier than they used to be, and if I was still there in 10 minutes then give him a shout and he would bring me out a cup of tea. Oh how we laughed! My main thought afterwards was... how hard did they used to be? I had to get Lucy to come out and help, after about what seemed like 10 hours, between the 2 of us we had developed a well oiled process of fitting it in, like a Formula 1 pit stop. Now we can do it without swearing and without shaking the car seat like an earthquake!

Car Seat:
Anyway, after all that, the baby will be hungry. If the baby is sans nipple, then they will need Bottles, Sterilising Equipment, Milk Formula, Bowls, Spoons and Bibs. We have these cool Bibs that my brother said looks like a Bandana, so we call them Bibdanas.  We also have a high chair, but more about that in a future post.

I have asked the Gruffalo to model the Bibdana in the Bumpo for you:

There is another item I have just remembered, and I am not sure if we have one of these yet, but I am told they are brilliant. I am not sure of the name but it’s basically a Pump That Sucks Bogies And Snot Out Of Your Nose. So I will ask Lucy to make sure we have two of these, one for the baby and one for me.

Finally, once the baby is all washed and is settled down to sleep, you have the final and probably the most important baby items. The George Foreman Grill, Globe Drinks Cabinet/Optics, and PS3. Because after the day is finished you will need a nice steak, stiff drink and gaming session to relax. But we’ll keep an eye on the baby through the night vision spy monitor, just to make sure the leaning tower of nappies hasn’t collapsed and buried him.

The Holy Trinity of baby Items:


  1. I didn't know it was a Bumpo - we always called it a Bumbo. Oh well lol. The things you learn! We had to emergency babysit over night last night - 4 wake up calls - when it got to the actual morning I had to ask if it actually was the morning!

  2. Too too funny - i really did chuckle out loud! Great post x

  3. I've since found out that it is called a Bumbo, oops! my bad :)